Today has been a bad day. I am under attack for some reason and I’m not doing a very good job of fighting off the enemy. I felt it coming on this weekend. Just everybody in this house getting on my last nerves. The kids are not listening to a single word I am saying, and it’s as if they aren’t even trying. If they respond to my voice at all, it’s with blank stares, like I am speaking Russian or something! And Jeremy. What can I say? I prayed for 7 years that his priorities would change and he would have a desire to be home with his family instead of work, work, work. Well, now he’s home and wanting to spend time with us, and I’m pulling away from him thinking, “Ugh, I need a break from all this family time!!!”
Geez, I am a hard woman to please!
But seriously, I have been trying to figure out all day why I get so touchy? Why I am so easily angered? Why is it one morning I wake up and feel like I suddenly have to make a 3 page list of all the stuff that needs to be done and it needs to be done RIGHT NOW! I feel like I’m a slacker because I keep telling myself that “I’ll spend more time with the kids as soon as I get caught up”, but I never get caught up. How will I ever be able to homeschool next year if I can’t get a grip on my day now? I am sitting here writing this and thinking to myself that I am certifiably wacko, but that doesn’t help the tremendous overwhelming burden I can actually feel taking over.
I wish I could find the root of it all. Our Pastor had an awesome sermon yesterday about thankfulness and I’m very thankful that my friend Amy blogged about it here so I didn’t have to try to condense it myself. (She did a very good job and I recommend clicking over there and reading it.) So with that fresh in my mind, I wonder if it’s a thankful heart I am lacking.
I should be thankful that I have a husband who cares about where I am going and when I’ll be home, instead of aggitated that he has to know the in’s and out’s of my entire day. I should be thankful my kids have a desire to play together even though they can’t make it 5 minutes without getting into an argument! I should be thankful my father in law thinks I take great pictures and wants to share them with the family by my putting them into an album for him, rather than feeling pressured that it’s just one more person needing something from me with a deadline.
Right now this thankfulness feels so forced. I wish it came natural. All the time. Even during PMS. Even when the kids don’t know the time changed and it’s not time for breakfast at 5:10 am. And even when I know that I have been a tremendous beyotch today and need to apologize to everybody that came within 5 feet of me. I am thankful that I have a family that will forgive me. Again. And love me…despite the difficulty of that task.
6 Comments
Boy, I’m glad I didn’t call you today! :) Is it PMS time? If not, you’re a normal, tired, mom human being. Don’t beat yoursef up and make it worse. I started the habit a while back of saying a lot of “thank you”s as soon as I’m awake in the morning…before I even get out of bed. It has helped me with the niggly edges of depression that I can sometimes feel somewhere deep inside. Also…I liked Amy’s post and I’m glad she wrote about the sermon. Take care…and get a good night’s rest.
I love you, BFF :) I would say you should have called me, but sometimes that’s just another thing on the list! Hope today is soooo much better for you. And, remember, we all have them. You are not alone!
I am sorry you are having a hard time. Don’t make yourself feel bad about feeling this way. We all go through it. I do the same thing all the time. Sit down and write out your priorities instead of a to do list and go about your day that way. When I am having a hard day , it is easier to scratch off my list the things I want to do as opposed to the things I need to do. I hope things get better and I have to say , I loved your use of the word beyotch, it made me smile!!!
Don’t be too hard on yourself. We all have days like that, because we’re women! I will keep you in my prayers. Hang in there!
God bless :)
Girl friend, I think you’ve been peeking into my mind and heart! I could have written this post just with different names! Just take a deep breath and continue on praising the Lord! By the way thanks for your email! I tried several times to email you back, but it keeps kicking your email back to me,so… but anyway, my sister is doing some better. She saw a neurologist on last Thursday and had an injection under anesthesia in her hip to help reduce the swelling of the bulging disk. She can’t sit at all and can’t stand for long periods of time. Please continue to pray for her as her job is giving her a hard time about the Family Medical Leave thing and threatening her with her health insurance coverage.
You are a very good friend and prayer partner! May God’s face shine upon you today!!!!
Dear Jodi, What you are feeling is NORMAL. When you reach this point you need to
“put on your own oxygen mask first”. And not just for a little bit while you run to the store
or something. Also, this time change thing is a pain! Your kids already get up early so
I can’t imagine what it feels like at 5:10a.m. for them to be awake! Hang in there-it’s
good you are trying to do better and be more thankful but don’t be too hard on yourself.