Before 2007 came to a close Jeremy and I had a, shall we say, disagreement? It wasn’t pretty but we both got some things off our chests that had been simmering below the surface for a long time. After the initial “who did what to whom and why it was so hurtful” part was over, we started talking about a solution.
For me, I needed to come up with a way to give Jeremy more attention. And not just in that area! All areas. And this has always been an issue for me. It just got worse after the kids came along when my time got stretched even more. The he got us a dog! Just what was that man thinking anyways???
He claims that I do not show him any love. I tell him he’s crazy. Obviously I love him! Look at all I DO for him. His children are my main priority. I clean his clothes. Keep his house neat and tidy. Cook dinner almost every night. I run errands. I pay bills. I fall into bed exhausted each and every night because of all the things I DO for him.
But that’s not what he wants. And for seven years when we’ve had this conversation I thought he was asking for more. But FINALLY, this time, I GOT IT! He wasn’t saying I should be doing all that AND snuggling up on the couch with him at night. He was saying that the house stuff wasn’t important to him. He could live without dinner on the table 5 nights a week. He didn’t care if there were dishes on the counter and a ring in the toilet. He was tired of me killing myself with tasks while he and the kids sat there waiting to see if I could spare a second to be with them.
Okay…so I got it. But that doesn’t mean I knew what to do with that information. It may seem simple to some, but truly, I am a neat freak who cannot imagine sitting down to watch TV knowing full well there is a load of laundry that needs to be folded. And as anyone with young children can tell you, there is ALWAYS something to be done. Therefore, I was ALWAYS keeping myself busy and there lies the problem Jeremy has with me.
This epiphany came on December 28th. For two days I tried to figure out how I was going to keep up with everything and still be there for Jeremy. What exactly is expected of me anyways? How was I going to determine what needed to be done and what could wait???
On December 31st my neighbor called and asked if he could bring me something. We had taken cookies to them before Christmas and I assumed he was bring the cookie tray back. When I answered the door, not only did he have the tray, but he had 2 books wrapped with a pretty bow and thank you note from his wife.
The night we took cookies to them was the first time I had spoken with Yvette for any length of time. In passing, she mentioned a book that she had written. Being that I love to read, I came back to the book comment later in the conversation, and she had told me she wrote a book for wives on successful marriages based on the Word of God.
One of the books her husband brought me that night was her book, “What To Do After You Say I Do”. When he went back home, I read the back cover. Then I read the dedication, acknowledgments, contents, and foreword. I hurried up and got the kids ready for bed then sat down and read the preface and a prayer. I absolutely could not get enough of this book!
Once I had showered and gotten comfy, I sat down in my favorite chair and read until I fell asleep. I woke up at 11:30 pm and turned on Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve and watched the ball drop. Then I continued reading until 1:00. When I got up the next morning to let the dog out, the book went with me, and literally, I did not put it down until I finished it later that afternoon!
It’s amazing to me how perfect the timing was in this situation. If I had received that book 6 months ago, I don’t think it would have affected me like it has. It was just exactly what I needed to read, exactly when I needed to read it. And even though I still have a long way to go before it feels natural to me to relax with the family on Saturday morning knowing the beds are unmade in the next room, I can already see positive changes within my marriage in the way Jeremy is responding to my efforts.
This is an awesome book for all wives who desire to know and really understand God’s plan for them in marriage. If you want more information, you can check out Yvette’s website.
Thank you Lord for your perfect timing. Thank you for my husband Jeremy. Help me to always be the wife that you created me to be in his life. Amen
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