The bible says that God gives His children gifts when they accept Jesus as His son and the Holy Spirit comes upon them. Romans 12:6-8 gives examples of these gifts, all very different, all equally important within the body of Christ.
On a completely different note, although totally related in my head today, is Hebrews 12:1 which talks about “…throwing off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles…” My sin that snares me up is FEAR.
How in the world have I tied these verses together, you ask? Well, I am wondering, if I have a gift of ministering one on one (or at the very least, in a small group setting) and I am asked to give my testimony in front of a group of people, but my FEAR holds me back, am I wrong to not share it? Is it a cop out to say I just don’t have that gift? It sounds like it, doesn’t it?
But everybody’s not supposed to do everything. 1 Peter 4:10 states, ” Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in various forms”. And verse 11 says, “If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God…” Well, I can assure you that if I were to speak in front of a group, with everybody staring at me with grand expectations, it would sound NOTHING like “the very words of God”. It would sound more like a sputtering, stamering idiot that was drunk and high on crack cocaine.
Not exactly the picture of “administering God’s grace”.
So I keep going back to the verse in Hebrews. Should I be focusing a lot of energy on getting over my fear of public speaking? (And I should probably stop right here and say that I know this is a common fear. Most people do not like to speak in public. But for me, it’s more than just butterflies in the stomach. I get physically ill. I shake, turn beet red, and hypervenilate. It’s not a pretty picture. Trust me.) Or can I just let it go to strengthen and improve the abilities I enjoy?
As our trip to Honduras gets closer and we have more meetings regarding our agenda, I am having second thoughts about going. I thought the plane ride over there was going to be the worst part. But Sunday we discussed putting on a skit and giving our testimonies. Talk about getting WAY OUTSIDE my comfort zone!!! At one point, the FEAR in me got so great I had to leave the room. I almost had to ask Jeremy to pull over on the way home so I could throw up.
For anyone who does not struggle with FEAR, I’m sure you think I am overreacting. But I am telling you this is a very real thing for me. And I am trying my best to stay in God’s will for me on this trip. But every fiber in my being wants to cancel my plane tickets and stay home. Where I’m safe. And where I am not being asked to talk to anybody but my children.
1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
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