If anybody would have told me a year ago that I was heading into an even more difficult season of life in 2009 I would have told them they were crazy. How could it possibly get any worse? The year before was filled with constant stress. We fought on a daily basis to keep our company and employees. As 2008 wore on, the decisions we faced went from bad to worse. We were forced to do things we would have never chosen to do. It was really awful.
On December 30, 2008 we made the decision to quit fighting and face reality. Presidio Homes, the business we poured 9 years of sweat and tears into, was history.
On some level, for me anyways, there was relief. I was exhausted physically and mentally. I thought 2009 held hope for our future. Whatever God had in store for us, I knew we could handle it.
Imagine my surprise when I discovered we couldn’t handle it. There are too many private details to share, but let’s just say that, emotionally, I became a wreck.
For the first 6 months, my phone rang off the hook with bill collectors who, by the way, even if I was nice and tried to explain our situation, would call me names and threaten me on a daily basis. I would politely hang up the phone and pick my dignity up off the floor.
For some reason, we became an interesting topic of conversation among the folks in our Sunday School class. I’m still amazed at how we were judged. By Christians no less.
Gossip was being spread by my Twitter and Facebook status updates. I found out certain people were reading my blog for the sole purpose of gaining evidence to be used against us in court! How is this even possible???
Yep, in 2009 life as I knew it had come to a complete stop. I couldn’t say, write or do anything that might be twisted and construed in a negative way. I felt like everyone was against us and I was living a secret life. Who could I trust?
I would say that the deep dark hole of depression loomed large at the York house this past year. The question of whether or not we fell victim to it would depend on who you asked. Even when the calls finally stopped coming in, it was hard to look around our house and not see the reminders. Even now there are enough loose ends out there that we can’t seem to get closure on the whole thing just yet.
But yesterday we did experience a bit of peace. I had spent the last few months going through cabinets, folders, and drawers that contained house plans, material lists, plats, etc. and set them aside to be burned. We talked about Presidio as we watched our dreams of the past go up in smoke. We shed a few tears and then shifted our discussion to the future. Jeremy had used our homebuilding company as his ministry for all those years and it will be interesting to see how God will use him now.
As I sit here on January 1, 2010 I am again filled with hope.
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