If anybody would have told me a year ago that I was heading into an even more difficult season of life in 2009 I would have told them they were crazy. How could it possibly get any worse? The year before was filled with constant stress. We fought on a daily basis to keep our company and employees. As 2008 wore on, the decisions we faced went from bad to worse. We were forced to do things we would have never chosen to do. It was really awful.

On December 30, 2008 we made the decision to quit fighting and face reality. Presidio Homes, the business we poured 9 years of sweat and tears into, was history.

On some level, for me anyways, there was relief. I was exhausted physically and mentally. I thought 2009 held hope for our future. Whatever God had in store for us, I knew we could handle it.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered we couldn’t handle it. There are too many private details to share, but let’s just say that, emotionally, I became a wreck.

For the first 6 months, my phone rang off the hook with bill collectors who, by the way, even if I was nice and tried to explain our situation, would call me names and threaten me on a daily basis. I would politely hang up the phone and pick my dignity up off the floor.

For some reason, we became an interesting topic of conversation among the folks in our Sunday School class. I’m still amazed at how we were judged. By Christians no less.

Gossip was being spread by my Twitter and Facebook status updates. I found out certain people were reading my blog for the sole purpose of gaining evidence to be used against us in court! How is this even possible???

Yep, in 2009 life as I knew it had come to a complete stop. I couldn’t say, write or do anything that might be twisted and construed in a negative way. I felt like everyone was against us and I was living a secret life. Who could I trust?

I would say that the deep dark hole of depression loomed large at the York house this past year. The question of whether or not we fell victim to it would depend on who you asked. Even when the calls finally stopped coming in, it was hard to look around our house and not see the reminders. Even now there are enough loose ends out there that we can’t seem to get closure on the whole thing just yet.

But yesterday we did experience a bit of peace. I had spent the last few months going through cabinets, folders, and drawers that contained house plans, material lists, plats, etc. and set them aside to be burned. We talked about Presidio as we watched our dreams of the past go up in smoke. We shed a few tears and then shifted our discussion to the future. Jeremy had used our homebuilding company as his ministry for all those years and it will be interesting to see how God will use him now.

As I sit here on January 1, 2010 I am again filled with hope.

~I’m thankful I took a job working for your dad, even though I took a pay cut to do it

~I’m thankful you fired a guy on your crew, even if you were afraid he was going to come and steal your check before you could get to the office and pick it up

~I’m thankful for flirtatious phone calls in which you offered to buy me dinner if I would bring you the check

~I’m thankful you didn’t have plans the rest of that night or the wee hours of the morning as we sat and talked in the parking lot of my apartment building

~I’m thankful for quick engagments and rainy outdoor weddings

~I’m thankful for surprise pregnancies

~I’m thankful we’re in this together because I could never do it on my own

But mostly, I’m thankful for YOU! Happy Anniversary!!!

Today I received an email from her linking me to a website she has created called Divine Marriages. Her first post is full of truth and shows her love and concern for marriages. She and her husband counsel couples through their local ministry, and have a passion for seeing husbands and wives fulfilling their Godly role in the household.

So, my internet friends, if you have a second, go on over and give her some love. Do it for me. I like to keep my neighbors happy and I’m out of Christmas cookies! :)

Today was opening day! There should seriously be a rule about having games at 12:30 in August in the south. OMG! It was soooo hot! At least 118 degrees…in the shade!

Yuh-huh. I swear!

Georgia is rated #1 going into this season. That’s exciting. We figured it would be hard to get tickets once we got there and we were right. I almost thought we’d be watching it from the bridge outside of Sanford Stadium.

But just as they were kicking off, we found 2 seats together for an undisclosed amount of moolah. We went in and sat down only 40 rows back. A few minutes into the game our view was blocked by 3 grown men huffing up the concrete steps carrying another man. Just behind us, they dropped him. He was out cold.

Ya had to kinda wonder if it was just the heat or a combo of that and a killer tailgate party. When he began throwing up, the smell made it clear it was the latter.

Now, I was trying my best not to be judgemental. There was a time in my life when that very well could have been me. But this dude was clearly in his mid to late 40′s. Isn’t that too old to be gettin’ hammered at a college ball game? I mean, when your friends are too old to carry you to the men’s room, I really think you should be giving up that lifestyle. Among others reasons.

The funny part about that whole thing was that just as the paramedics were leaving the scene, a man came up and informed us we were in his seats. Turns out ours were on the far side of that same row. If we were sitting over there, we would have missed the drunken show. Oh Darn.

In our proper seats we had a great time. The guy behind us was a die hard fan. Yelling, screaming, and full of UGA football facts he shared freely. Also, in these seats, the shade finally came. Slowly but surely, it arrived and cooled us down ever so slightly.

I just love college football season. I love that the start of football means fall is just around the corner. I love watching games all day on Saturday. I love having people over to watch the Bulldogs when they are playing out of town. I love game day pots of chili and plates of nachos. And I really love it when they win!!! Like today!!!

Yay Dawgs!!!!

After reading my last post, a dear blogging friend named Angela commented and suggested that I join her for Live Well Wednesdays, hosted by CWO. Not a bad idea. A little accountability. So let me tell you how the whole South Beach thing has been going.

In a nutshell (20 of them to be exact), it’s had its ups and downs.

On the upside, it’s a great way to eat. The first 2 weeks are pretty restrictive, in a no-bread-sugar-cereal-fruit-juice sort of way. But when I logged onto the SB website and plugged in my height and weight, they said I didn’t really need to jump start my weight loss and could dive right into phase 2. I celebrated that information today by eating an entire Kashi pizza with whole wheat crust and topped with spinach, roasted sweet peppers, and feta cheese. It was wonderful!

And I lost 1 pound. Whoo-hoo!

The downside though, is going to be hard to get around. For one thing, I really, really, REALLY dislike grocery shopping. I’ve been able to get my shopping trips down to twice a month, with quick stops in between for milk and bread and fruit. But now my menu plans call for fresh vegtables. Lots and LOTS of fresh vegtables. I’ve been to the grocery store 2 times in 7 days. And I’m afraid it’s going to break my food budget for the month, so I will need to tinker with this going forward.

Another problem is seeing the look on my sweet husband’s face when he gets home from work. A long hard day at work. A long hard stressful day at work. I’ve always prided myself in welcoming him in from those days with mouthwatering aromas. Pot roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, yeast rolls, pies, and cakes. Is there any better way to say “I love you! Thank you for working so hard. Come in, sit down, and relax behind this yummy bowl of chicken and dumplings.”?

This week he has been staring at plates of broiled fish, steamed asparagus, salads, and baked chicken breasts. Not the most appealing dinner for a southern boy like him. Even though he wanted to be on the plan too, it’s been hard to get used to. And let’s not even talk about the kids who are looking at their plates, then at me, then their plates, then at me as if I’m trying to poison them and saying, “this is yucky” before so much as a taste on their tongue.

But I’m not going to get discouraged. Life changes like this do not happen instantly. This will be a day by day, week by week process. Making different food choices that we would normally make. Trying to live in a healthy way. And it’s all good!

For a while it bothered me that he stayed so busy and seemed to choose fishing or golf or whatever over spending time with me. Trying to talk about it was a waste of time because in his eyes he deserved it. He worked his butt off to give his family the best of the best. What was I complaining about?

So after a few years, I rarely mentioned it. We didn’t see eye to eye, and I couldn’t convince him that he was out of balance. And believe me when I say it’s not that I didn’t think he deserved a break, because I did. But All.The.Time??? Seriously. He was never home.

And let’s not forget about the fact that I had never asked for the best of the best. Did I want to be taken care of? Yes. Did I prefer to be a stay at home mom? Yes. But I didn’t need anything big and expensive to accomplish those 2 goals.

It didn’t take long for me though, a control freak to say the least, to get into a pretty good groove of handling things myself once the kids came along. I would joke that I was a single mom without the added stress of having to work. In our arguments about time, Jeremy would tell me he worked very hard so that I could do whatever I wanted and have whatever I wanted. So I took advantage of that. I even took the kids to the beach one summer without him. (I asked him to go though y’all…he was just “too busy“.)

I was good at being independent and this system seemed to work well for us for a while. He made the money, I kept the house. But it’s not the way God designed marriage and family to be. And deep down I knew that. And I knew one day that Jeremy would know it too. And I always thought when he came around I would be ready.

Well, as with all the other changes that have taken place this past year in our business and personal lives, God has been dealing with this one too. It has really been on Jeremy’s heart to be the husband and father he was created to be. And this takes precedence over his business.

But it hasn’t been all hunky dorey. I have had a really hard time adjusting to the change. He’s here a lot now. All.The.Time. as a matter of fact! At first he drove me crazy and I was like, “Don’t you have something to do? A round of golf to play? Fish to catch? Why are you here???”

However, after several months of this, I am happy to report that things are getting better. The kids have even started asking for him, and I can see their relationship improving right before my eyes. When he was leaving to go out of town on Thursday, I knew I was going to miss him. MISS HIM!!! I don’t know that I’ve ever really missed him.

Before he left he gave me a stack of envelopes. Each one had a different day and time of day, for example, Saturday morning breakfast. He said to open them accordingly. I figured they had little notes and prayers in them for me to read to the kids, but I was surprised to see that in addition to that, he had printed a picture on the page too. He had actually gone into my flickr account, looked through hundreds of pictures, and printed ones that matched the prayer for that day and time.

That meant so much to me. I have never read The 5 Love Languages book, but from what I’ve heard others say, I think my love language is Time. I was very touched that he took the time to do that when, in a previous life, he would have been using any spare minute to make sure he had the right rods, reels, and lures for the upcoming trip.

Yep, there are major changes going on here in the York house. And they are not half bad changes to make!

~We can raise our children like cows or we can raise them like horses. Cows are put in a fence where we feed them and protect them. We take care of them by keeping them safe and watching over them. Horses are trained. We work with them one on one. We spend time with them and gain their trust. Are you going to raise your child like a cow or a horse?

~Kids MUST have acknowledgment from their father. If they can’t get him to acknowledge them, they will try to find acceptance from their friends. And if they are unable to be accepted by friends, they will settle for receiving attention from anybody.

~If you tell your child you are proud of them for something that they have done, what happens if they can’t or don’t do that thing again? Are you no longer proud of them? Pride should not be conditional. Tell your child you are proud of them just because they are your son or daughter. This is a form of acknowledgment.

~Kids need an unchanging purpose: They need to know why they are here. Give them a sense of belonging. Even at church they can take on responsibilities by being “little ministers” to other children in their class. Coach them on the way to Sunday school about how to treat the new kid or what to do if they see somebody crying. If you were taking your son to a little league game, you would talk about possible game scenarios and what his response should be. Take the same approach on the way to church Sunday mornings.

~Kids need passion: They need to be sold out to God. Most of the time kids are passionate about the things their parents are passionate about. What is your attitude about church? Are you excited about going? Let them catch you reading the Bible and praying. If it’s important to mom and dad, chances are it will be important to them. Show them how to have reverence for God.

~Kids need purity: The pure in heart will see God. Darkness is the absence of light. God is light…even a small amount of darkness is not of God. How much darkness will you allow in your child’s life??? Sin should be shocking to them. Impurity in our kids life will kill them spiritually.

Elijay…beautiful. The cabins…comfy. Shopping in Blue Ridge…nice. Weather…awesome! Friends…wonderful. The message…truthful. My husband…comedian.

Yep that’s right. Jeremy, the lover of the center of attention and practical joker that he is, did not answer one personal question truthful the entire time we were there. Except when he gave his testimony. That was true.

But when asked about how we met…”on the internet”. (Not hardly, I worked for his dad and I’m not sure Jeremy knew how to use a computer when I first met him!) When asked about our first kiss…”after 15 or 16 dates”. (Oh puh-lease! We had moved in together by date 4 and by the 15th date…if you can call it that since we were shacking up…we were engaged!)

Then on Saturday morning he went up to the group leader and told him he didn’t think this “marriage retreat” was working for him. The guy was like, “Why?” Jeremy replied, “Well, I haven’t been able to get away from my wife the entire time I’ve been here! She’s not retreating at all!”

Hardy, Har-Har!!!

Don’t go gettin’ all jealous cuz he’s not yours now, ya hear? He’s mine…ALL MINE!!! :)

Tomorrow afternoon Jeremy and I leave for a weekend marriage retreat with our Sunday school class in the north Georgia mountains. Ahhhh…

Until then, for the 24 hours leading up to our departure, I have a list that seems never ending. So I just logged on here to admire the picture of the rockers outside our room that are beckoning to me.

“I’m coming, Mr. Rocker…I promise…I can’t wait to introduce you to my tired flabby bottom…and rest my head on your strong supportive back…just a few…more…hours…to…go…”