If anybody would have told me a year ago that I was heading into an even more difficult season of life in 2009 I would have told them they were crazy. How could it possibly get any worse? The year before was filled with constant stress. We fought on a daily basis to keep our company and employees. As 2008 wore on, the decisions we faced went from bad to worse. We were forced to do things we would have never chosen to do. It was really awful.
On December 30, 2008 we made the decision to quit fighting and face reality. Presidio Homes, the business we poured 9 years of sweat and tears into, was history.
On some level, for me anyways, there was relief. I was exhausted physically and mentally. I thought 2009 held hope for our future. Whatever God had in store for us, I knew we could handle it.
Imagine my surprise when I discovered we couldn’t handle it. There are too many private details to share, but let’s just say that, emotionally, I became a wreck.
For the first 6 months, my phone rang off the hook with bill collectors who, by the way, even if I was nice and tried to explain our situation, would call me names and threaten me on a daily basis. I would politely hang up the phone and pick my dignity up off the floor.
For some reason, we became an interesting topic of conversation among the folks in our Sunday School class. I’m still amazed at how we were judged. By Christians no less.
Gossip was being spread by my Twitter and Facebook status updates. I found out certain people were reading my blog for the sole purpose of gaining evidence to be used against us in court! How is this even possible???
Yep, in 2009 life as I knew it had come to a complete stop. I couldn’t say, write or do anything that might be twisted and construed in a negative way. I felt like everyone was against us and I was living a secret life. Who could I trust?
I would say that the deep dark hole of depression loomed large at the York house this past year. The question of whether or not we fell victim to it would depend on who you asked. Even when the calls finally stopped coming in, it was hard to look around our house and not see the reminders. Even now there are enough loose ends out there that we can’t seem to get closure on the whole thing just yet.
But yesterday we did experience a bit of peace. I had spent the last few months going through cabinets, folders, and drawers that contained house plans, material lists, plats, etc. and set them aside to be burned. We talked about Presidio as we watched our dreams of the past go up in smoke. We shed a few tears and then shifted our discussion to the future. Jeremy had used our homebuilding company as his ministry for all those years and it will be interesting to see how God will use him now.
As I sit here on January 1, 2010 I am again filled with hope.
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“And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into or hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” (Rom.5:5)
Our pastor shared an observation about Daniel 3 (story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego) in relation to trials we face. He said, “Take note that the only thing burned up in the fire was the thing that bound them.”
That spoke to me profoundly as I looked back on some of our trials and realized clearly that the Lord was and is refining us for HIS work!
I can’t wait to see what the Lord does through your sweet family!!!!!
I seem to recall Jesus making good use of fishermen in the past….am I right? Jeremy should have no problem! ;-)
I hope and pray that through the burning of all of that stuff that perhaps you both broke free from the bondage of the past. I pray that God will use your family this year in ways that you would have never imagined before, and that you both finally find the peace that you so deserve. As I told you once before, Brian and I hold a lot of respect for you and Jeremy for all of the little things he did for us. You will never know how much it meant to have Jeremy be one of the first people to offer him a job when he lost his. God has great things in store for your family. I pray His blessings on you all in the New Year!
In His love,
Carrie
My sweet friend, if I don’t tell you often enough – I am so proud of you! You are truly a remarkable woman with strength and courage that amazes me. Jeremy is blessed beyond measure to have you as his helpmate and Emery and Savannah are sure to the reap the benefits of a godly mother. I am so fortunate to call you my BFF and I’m inspired by the way you live your life. I’ve seen you walk through the difficult days of this past year, and I’ve been amazed at how you handled them. My prayer for you is that the coming year will be one of restoration all the way around. Much love!
Riding on Jennifer’s coat tails… Beth Moore reminds us from Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego’s story that we are often faced with 3 scenarios when faced with a fiery trial:
1) We can be delivered FROM the fire.
The dividend being – our faith is built.
2) We can be delivered THROUGH the fire.
The dividend being – Our faith is refined.
3) We can be delivered BY the fire (straight into His arms).
The dividend being – Our faith is perfected (made complete).
(Thanks again, Amy E. for lending me the Daniel study to re-study!!!)
LOVE what Amy B. said, too! And He shall make fishers of men! Ha!
Jodi-I really enjoyed your post and I pray 2010 will be an amazing year for you. God used Presidio in so many ways. Preschool Ministry benefitted from it and Jeremy’s giving heart. I know you will be blessed! You are amazing!